This Means WAR
by Terminally Ambivalent
Summary: There seems to be a new criminal in town who likes to "heat things up". Seems the repeat arsonist has a message that he's trying to broadcast, but what happens when his sights are set on Shawn? And it looks like that's not the only thing 'heating up'Slash


Takashi: So, here's the deal.

Style: Humor, mystery, and romance.

Pairing: Lassiter/Shawn (Lassiter being 'top', Shawn being 'bottom')

Side Pairing: maybe some Gus/Juliet (no guarantees)

**Warnings: Slash/yaoi, which means boy on boy action, gay men. Maybe some violence, not sure. Language. There might be a lemon in the future if I am convinced to do so.**

Disclaimer: I, under no uncertain terms, own anything of the TV show Psych or any of their merchandise. I do, however, owen this fic.

Takashi: There. Now I have put my warnings in bold lettering so I don't even want to hear any complaints saying that I _'tricked' _anyone into reading this. If you still do, then I shall have to assume that you are stupid and cannot read. Please, if you do not like slash, click the back button and, please, do not wast your precious minutes in order to flame me and I, my precious seconds that I would need to glance at your flame and click delete.

Now that that's all said and done, let's move on shall we?

This is my first 'Psych' fic so I do apologize for any 'out-of-character-ness' or mishaps. If you could kindly inform me I'd be happy to correct them. Although, I will admit, there will be some slight OOC-ness, but I will do my best to keep them in character. I am also open to suggestions of any kind, but if I turn them down please do not be offended it just may not fit in to what I'm trying to do here. Please though, suggestions of any sort are welcome.

Now, please enjoy the show- er- story! ^^

**xXx**

Shawn sat in the quiet office tossing his Magic 8 ball from one hand to another. It was about 3:00 p.m. and Shawn was bored out of his fucking _mind_. All there was to keep him company were the vague readings of his Magic 8 ball and the constant _buzz _of an off light fixture. Honestly, he was going to have to fix that and soon before one of his SBPD "buddies" came in here and thought it was the buzz of a bomb. Not that he could really blame them, after all, a lot of people would probably prefer him dead and strangely enough… a lot of those masses were women. Huh. _I wonder why_.

"Oh my dear pineapples! I'm going to _die_…" He drug out. It literally felt like the boredom was _killing_ him. He was definitely taking the mood ring from this week's box of Caption Crunch cereal to get back at Gus for making him wait this long!

Just then, the he heard:

_Ping!_

He immediately jumped out of his chair with and excited, if not relieved, shout of, "Saved by the ping!"

He lightly jogged up to his buddy and cohort in crime.

"Where you been Burton "Oil Can" Guster?!" He cried dramatically.

"Work, Shawn. Unlike _some people_," insert pointed look from Gus and a faked innocent look from Shawn. "Others actually have to _work _for money. Not all of us get to free load."

"Aw, am I sensing jealousy here? Do we need to go to the company "teamwork" seminar again and work on our trust exercises and share gossips and giggles through the "sharing stick" again?" Shawn asked slyly.

"NO!" Gus replied franticly. He'd already been scarred once he didn't need to give it a twin scar to match _thankyouverymuch_.

"Besides," Shawn started nonchalantly. " 'Free- loading', as you so _kindly_ put it, is very hard work! Did someone not learn their lesson when their uncle came to visit? _Hmmm_?"

Gus shivered involuntarily as he remembered the time he had to be 'psychic' for his uncle due to some rather large misunderstandings and Shawn had to feed him answers.

"Ok, ok, Shawn. You win." Gus sighed in defeat. He was too tired from work to argue.

"Geez. What happened at work today? Someone steal your stethoscope?" Shawn inquired playfully.

"No. Mr. Ogletree asked me to do a report on various psychopathic tendencies last week for a example in his presentation he was pitching in front of the medical hospital company we might consider merging with and told me to have it finished by today. Since I was so busy this week with us closing the case and all I rushed to finish everything last night resulting in no sleep, so then today I go in, try to hand him the paper, and he says,_ 'Oh, sorry Mr. Guster. I meant to call you last night and inform you that the pitch has been withheld till next week. Must have slipped my mind._'" He recalled in an overexaduratedly squeaky annoying voice. "I swear that man hates me!"

Shawn gasped in mock horror, but he truly did sympathize for his friend.

Of course that didn't mean he couldn't mess around with his friend's head a bit.

"The nerve! The audacity! The _un-mi-ti-gat-ed gal_!" Shawn cried in fake outrage.

"Oh, just stuff it Shawn."

"C'mon man, don't be a grumpy Gus. Besides, at least you have it all done and out of the way now! _'Caaause_ Chief just called and said she has a case for us!"

"Huh? Really? Already? Geez, I guess it's true what they say 'Crime never rests'"

"How right you are my dear Watson! And that is why we need to get there as soon as possible! It seems like our newest contributor to crime is a repeat offender, but that's all I know. So let's hurry up!"

"That's all you know? _Pfft_. And they call you 'psychic'. What a load of-"

"Sweet sugar honey ice tea! Dude! We're late!"

Shawn quickly grabbed Gus by the arm and proceeded to drag him down to the car despite Gus's protests.

Once in the car, Shawn buckled up, as did Gus.

"Well?! Come on! Drive peon, drive!"

_Click. Click. Vroooom…_

"I hate you, Shawn."

"Love you two, Sir Burton Guster Heartsalot!"

"Bite me."

"_Eww_… Now why would I want to do _that_? No offense Gus, but I don't think you're exactly pineapple flavored… maybe a mocha? Naw, too light. _Oooh!_ Maybe like a dark fudge surprise, but without the surprise part… thing."

"Are you insinuating that I'm predictably boring?"

"Predictable? Yes. Boring? No. But not to fret my dear fluffy Gus-Bran-muffine! For what you lack in surprises I make up in charm and good looks!"

"Oh goody." Gus replied dryly.

"I know, right! And with my Psychic-criminal ass-kicking-crime-fighting prowess and your know-it-all know-it-ness we're like unstoppable!!"

"Whatever you say, Shawn. Whatever you say."

_ *time skip to: _** //SBPD//**

"Dear _god_, you drive slow, Mr. Burton Slow-go Guster!"

"I was driving by the _speed limit_, Shawn! Unlike _some people_, I _obey_ the laws!"

"Well, I suppose you'll roll over right now, too, huh? Come on Gus! Live a little!"

"Oh, I'll '_live a little'_. I'll live a little longer than _you_ because I'll be driving the speed limit. _You_ on the other hand will probably do something _stupid_ on your so called 'bike' and end up hurting yourself, or _worse_, killing yourself!"

"What can I say? It's a gift..." Shawn grinned cheekily at Gus as they made their way to the Chief's office. They then passed by Juliet O'Hara...

"Jules!" Shawn exclaimed in fake shock and grinned as he pranced over to hug her.

"Shawn." She said exasperated, but fondly as she halfheartedly hugged him back. "Gus."

"Nice to see you again, Mrs. O'Hara." Gus greeted formally with a kind smile.

"Whatcha' doin' Jules?" Shawn asked curiously as he rocked back and forth semi-childishly.

She gave a light laugh before answering.

"Gathering up the needed files before I head into Chief's office for a debriefing on our newest top case." She finished as she finished shifting the papers in her hand before finally clipping them onto her clipboard and walking around her desk.

"Really?!" Shawn began excitedly. "We were called in on the case, too! Here, let's walk there together!" Shawn smiled brightly while grabbing her hand and practically skipping to the Chief's door while pretty much dragging Juliet.

"But Shawn-" She finally just sighed and gave up, allowing herself to be dragged to her commanding officer's office. The day she got through to his stubborn brain was the day she'd stop reading yaoi and the chief handed over her collector's edition book: _Yaoi For The Soul_. Oh, how she wished to have it.

"_'Ello your Chief-y-ness_!" Shawn greeted loudly in an European accent while bursting through the door without so much as a knock.

Juliet glanced up with the decency to blush from embarrassment at such a rude entry while Shawn kept grinning unashamedly.

She looked around for a few moments and took a minute to assess the current situation. The Chief was sitting at her desk, looking at Shawn in fond exasperation which she was trying dearly to hide while she tried to look disapproving. After all, it was a mother's job to reprimand her children when they misbehaved. Grant it, she wasn't the real mother of any of them, but they all kind of viewed her that way and she, in turn, viewed them as her children.

She continued to scan the office, everything was in place, and then her eyes caught sight of Carlton who, oddly enough, was staring at the clasped hands of her and Shawn with what looked like, she's taking a leap of faith her people, _jealousy_? Huh, she'd have to look in to that. Did Carlton, _gulp_, like her? She shuddered. No offense, he's a great friend and a wonderful colleague, but just not her type of lover.

"So, Chief, what's this new case that you're in dire need of my psychedelic prowess for?" Shawn asked excitedly, eager for a new case, a new mystery for his mind to solve.

"Please Spencer, like we'd ever be in _'dire'_ need of your crack-pot shenanigans and false-psychic predictions." Lassiter scoffed, looking both horrified and offended at the mere thought of it.

"Yet you still call me." Shawn said in a sing-song voice. Lassiter's fist clenched as he turned to the Chief.

"Really Chief, do we actually nee-"

"Yes, Carlton. We do. Now, if you'd all please take a seat so that I may begin this?" She looked at them as if daring them to refute. None did.

They all sat down quickly. Gus to the far left with Shawn next to him and Carlton to the far right with O'Hara in between himself and Shawn.

"Now," The Chief began. "There seems to be a new criminal in town, at first we thought it was a one time thing, but then the fires kept appearing with his signature and-"

"So, you mean we're dealing with a repeat arsonist?" Carlton asked forgetting his manners towards the Chief in light of getting a new case to feast upon.

"Yes," The Chief nodded gravely. "So far no one's been killed or seriously injured, but the locations each of these fires have started in are suspicious. Why he's choosing the locations, we do not know. That's one of the reasons you're here Shawn. I want you to see if you can psychically figure out if there is indeed a pattern to these fires and, if you can, why. Also, see if you're able to predict where our arsonist may strike next, that'll help us catch him."

"Can do, Chief-y-poo!" Shawn grinned giving a thumbs-up.

Carlton rolled his eyes.

"Chief, does he have to be-"

"And here are the folders and what not." The Chief continued over him as if he had never said a word, handing out identical folders to each of them. One to Carlton, one to Jules, and one to Shawn, he and Gus would share. "These will tell you where he's been, the materials used to start the fires, what he's left as his signatures, ect. Please do try and get this done and over with as soon as possible. The longer we take the more risk we run of someone getting injured, the more funds we have to spend to repair the damage, and god-only-knows where he could strike next. So do I have your word you'll do your best?" She asked, already knowing the answer.

"Ai, ai Chieftain! We're on it!" Shawn grinned at her assuringly while rising to a stand. "We'll get started on it right away! Come on, Gus!" Shawn said excitedly as he pulled his best-friend out the door while waving good-bye to the rest.

Juliet waved farewell to them both then turned to see Chief gazing at Carlton knowingly, if not a bit gleefully. She only got that look when she got a new yaoi book.

She turned to see Carlton gazing off towards Shawn's retreating figure somewhat... _Longingly? _Before Carlton shook his head as if to clear his mind of something and turn to excuse himself from the Chief's presence so that he may get back to work. She sat there and thought a bit as he rose and left through the same door Shawn had until it finally dawned on her.

Carlton liked Shawn. Carlton _'like liked'_ Shawn. Maybe even loved him?

_Oohhh_, this was good. _Very_ good. And very hot, too. Oh my god! She now got _live Yaoi_! HA! She didn't need Chief's collector's edition book: _Yaoi For The Soul anymore_! She had it live now! But wait, how was she going to make this happen? Those two were more stubborn then oxen. How was -

"O'Hara, I am in need of your_ special services_..." The Chief began with a mischievous look in here eye, still looking through the door.

Chief had a plan.

Juliet did a silent touch down movement. _Yes!_

_**End of chapter.**_

_**xXx**_

Takashi: Okay, well, I hope you liked it! Again, reviews, constructive criticism, suggestions, are all welcome so please do what you feel necessary! Also, if I catch anyone or hear either hint or whisper of anyone copying my work I will hunt you down like the dog you are and personally see to it that I make your web-life _**Hell in every way possible**_. Again, thank you for reading! I hope this was enjoyable for you.

This is also my late Christmas present dedicated towards my favorite Psych couple, Lassiter and Shawn.

1). I put Chief-tan in place of Captan.

2). Yaoi is boy/boy love.

3). The imaginary book:_ Yaoi For The Soul _is mine, so if you want to use it please ask me first and you must give me credit where you use it.

4). Yes, in this story, Chief and Juliet are yaoi fangirls.

5). SBPD stands for Santa Barbara Police Department.

Reviews warm the heart. Flames warm the hearth.


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